Stress Management

I've promised myself that I would focus as much on our struggles as our successes on this blog.  I'd love to paint a perfectly pretty picture of farming and homesteading for you, but it ain't so.  Anyone with a garden can tell you that this time of year is particularly busy.  Add in the addition of livestock and a new baby, and you're asking for trouble.  But, hey, we're completely insane.  So that's exactly what we've done.  We're expanding our garden and chicken flock, and adding pigs.  We're even talking about adding dairy animals in the next year.  Now that it's time to actually start the process of incorporating these things, we're finding that time is running short and tempers are running hot.

Picture this: we have painted one of our kitchen cabinets with chalkboard paint and it currently displays a list of everything that absolutely needs to be done in the next two weeks.  When these two weeks are up, it will be replaced by a new list of things.  Hopefully nothing will roll over from this list to the next one, but who am I kidding?  The list covers everything from perennial management to hauling in sheep manure from our neighbors to gathering all the materials we need for the birth of our second child (affectionately referred to as New Baby).  There is a project for every day.  Add to this Andrew's demanding work schedule, a very active toddler to care for, and a house that still needs to be kept (relatively) clean and cared for... Ugh.

This post isn't meant to be a whine-fest.  I have a point.  We've had to adapt to being so busy and getting less sleep and harboring more anxiety.  Before you ask, yes, this farming endeavor is still worth it.  But it isn't always easy.  I've been doing a lot of thinking over my morning coffee this morning and I now see that Andrew and I have our own ways of dealing with the stress of this time of  year.  It's working for us.  We have our coping mechanisms that are getting us through.

Andrew takes comfort in doing.  He is up early every morning to get something (anything!) done outside.  This has actually been a bit of a problem for me because it means that he's getting all of the daily outdoor chores done before our kiddo has even had breakfast.  I would also be happy to be outside first thing in the morning but he hogs all of the chores!  But productivity of any kind is the best medicine for my husband.  In fact, he's out loosening the soil for asparagus crowns right now.

I take comfort in planning.  I am a skilled list maker and researcher.  I have lists for nearly everything and spreadsheets for everything else.  Now, I don't waste my time reinventing the wheel.  If I can find a list or spreadsheet made by someone else that suits our needs, I'll pilfer it.  My mom has been an invaluable resource in this regard.  She's a bigger list/spreadsheet junkie than I am, so I've "borrowed" much of her material.  Whether I developed it or borrowed and adapted it, looking at a list or spreadsheet calms me.  I have a plan; I have a course.  All is well as long as I stick to it.

But here's where Andrew and I are the same.  We both have made an effort to a) talk more about our anxieties and stressors with each other and conquer them together and b) delight in the small things.  Neither of these coping mechanisms were planned, but we just fell into sync in a way.  I'm very, very grateful to have a partner that I can be so in sync with.  At night, our pillow talk is of barn building materials, compost and manure.  We make plans and bounce new ideas off one another.  And this works for us.  We're not battling things alone.  And delighting in the small things?  Some days it's easier than others.  Sometimes they are REALLY small things.  Last night, after putting the chickens and ducks away for the night, I noticed our resident woodcock doing his nightly dance.  My heart had been heavy with all of the chores on that damn chalkboard list, but taking a half hour at the end of a long day to watch the woodcock sing and dance backdropped by the setting sun brought me so much joy.  I stood on the porch of the chicken coop and reflected on how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful place, a place undisturbed enough to allow this solitary bird to dance for hours in search of its mate without interruption.  A place where I can take my kid outside and all I have to worry about is how much dirt he's eating.  Andrew sees these things too.  We regularly share these little joys with each other and move on from the dark place in our minds.  We are reminding each other that all of the stress is worth it.  So, so worth it.

We also make sure to have enough family time.  Every evening, all three of us hang out in Charlie's bed and read books together.  We laugh often and share parts of our day.  Charlie snuggles and giggles, gives hugs and kisses, and gets his sillies out before sleep.  It's, without a doubt, my favorite time of day. We also emjoy some pre-bedtime stretches that help us work out the stress that we carry physically.  Charlie calls it his "goya," or yoga.

I'm telling ya, it's the little things.