But why isn't it pretty?

Unless we were raised on a farm or homestead, we all seem to have this iconic vision of a farm: the green, sloping pasture, the grazing cattle (probably Holsteins), the red barn, the straight and well tended fence line, chickens gathered here and there around the yard.  Well, that's bullcrap.  I have never been on a farm with a perfect fence.  And while I've seen plenty of green pasture, it's usually dotted with, well...bullcrap.  Homesteading is even less picturesque.

One of the things I'm most proud of is how good we are at using found or recycled materials. The only materials we purchased for building our chicken coop were screws and nails.  Not to toot our own horn, but (toot, toot) that's impressive, y'all.

However, frugality often means things aren't as pretty as they would have been had we bought new materials.  I'm impressed by our thriftiness and ingenuity, but sometimes I fret that our property isn't more like that iconic farm in our minds.  I don't know why.  I know that Zuckerman's Farm (home of Zuckerman's famous pig, a.k.a. Wilbur of Charlotte's Web) does not exist.  Why can't I shake that image?  I think that people should be more exposed to what real farming is, especially as children.

A farm is not a place where the barn is always clean and the animals are all chummy and never get eaten.  Sorry, kids.

Why do we show kids pictures of barns that perpetually look like they've just had a fresh coat of paint?  Why do we pretend that the pig and chicken are merely ornaments in said barn that serve no real purpose? Why are we so afraid to show kids where their food comes from? Could it be because showing kids what farms really look like would traumatize them?  The truth is that the majority of their food comes from horrific sources.  Should we be showing them the factory farm that produced the meat for the burger they just ordered at McDonald's?  Are you joking?  The adults in their lives can barely face that reality.  So we create the pretty, pretty picture of Ma and Pa down on the farm.

Then there are those of us striving to change how we produce food.  We are advocates for local food networks and small farms that provide for the community in which they are situated.  It's a labor of love, that's for sure; we certainly aren't raking in the dough.  There is no way we could afford to devote time or money to simply making things more aesthetically appealing. And I refuse to feel bad about that anymore.  I love what we're doing and have got to give up the idea that we're not doing it right because it isn't pretty enough.  But kids should see how their food is grown as is.  Show them the muggy greenhouses.  Show them the industrial sprayers.  Show them the old tractor tires piled up behind the barn, the muddy pig pen, the shed made of pallet wood, the compost and manure piles.  Take them to the farms and let them smell the chicken coop, feel the soil, do a few chores, get some poop on their shoes.  Then, and only then, can our kids start making informed decisions regarding their food.  And we can finally stop pretending that chicken breasts don't come from actual chickens.

The not-so-pretty picture:

We use the corners of our log home to store hoses.

Pallet wood serves many purposes around the farm.  It holds compost, forms pig pens, etc.


 
Ducks swim in old canoes and kiddie pools.


 
Old barrels make feed troughs and waterers for the pigs.

An old wheelbarrow top makes a great feeder for piglets while they're still too small to reach the trough pictured above.

Stress Management

I've promised myself that I would focus as much on our struggles as our successes on this blog.  I'd love to paint a perfectly pretty picture of farming and homesteading for you, but it ain't so.  Anyone with a garden can tell you that this time of year is particularly busy.  Add in the addition of livestock and a new baby, and you're asking for trouble.  But, hey, we're completely insane.  So that's exactly what we've done.  We're expanding our garden and chicken flock, and adding pigs.  We're even talking about adding dairy animals in the next year.  Now that it's time to actually start the process of incorporating these things, we're finding that time is running short and tempers are running hot.

Picture this: we have painted one of our kitchen cabinets with chalkboard paint and it currently displays a list of everything that absolutely needs to be done in the next two weeks.  When these two weeks are up, it will be replaced by a new list of things.  Hopefully nothing will roll over from this list to the next one, but who am I kidding?  The list covers everything from perennial management to hauling in sheep manure from our neighbors to gathering all the materials we need for the birth of our second child (affectionately referred to as New Baby).  There is a project for every day.  Add to this Andrew's demanding work schedule, a very active toddler to care for, and a house that still needs to be kept (relatively) clean and cared for... Ugh.

This post isn't meant to be a whine-fest.  I have a point.  We've had to adapt to being so busy and getting less sleep and harboring more anxiety.  Before you ask, yes, this farming endeavor is still worth it.  But it isn't always easy.  I've been doing a lot of thinking over my morning coffee this morning and I now see that Andrew and I have our own ways of dealing with the stress of this time of  year.  It's working for us.  We have our coping mechanisms that are getting us through.

Andrew takes comfort in doing.  He is up early every morning to get something (anything!) done outside.  This has actually been a bit of a problem for me because it means that he's getting all of the daily outdoor chores done before our kiddo has even had breakfast.  I would also be happy to be outside first thing in the morning but he hogs all of the chores!  But productivity of any kind is the best medicine for my husband.  In fact, he's out loosening the soil for asparagus crowns right now.

I take comfort in planning.  I am a skilled list maker and researcher.  I have lists for nearly everything and spreadsheets for everything else.  Now, I don't waste my time reinventing the wheel.  If I can find a list or spreadsheet made by someone else that suits our needs, I'll pilfer it.  My mom has been an invaluable resource in this regard.  She's a bigger list/spreadsheet junkie than I am, so I've "borrowed" much of her material.  Whether I developed it or borrowed and adapted it, looking at a list or spreadsheet calms me.  I have a plan; I have a course.  All is well as long as I stick to it.

But here's where Andrew and I are the same.  We both have made an effort to a) talk more about our anxieties and stressors with each other and conquer them together and b) delight in the small things.  Neither of these coping mechanisms were planned, but we just fell into sync in a way.  I'm very, very grateful to have a partner that I can be so in sync with.  At night, our pillow talk is of barn building materials, compost and manure.  We make plans and bounce new ideas off one another.  And this works for us.  We're not battling things alone.  And delighting in the small things?  Some days it's easier than others.  Sometimes they are REALLY small things.  Last night, after putting the chickens and ducks away for the night, I noticed our resident woodcock doing his nightly dance.  My heart had been heavy with all of the chores on that damn chalkboard list, but taking a half hour at the end of a long day to watch the woodcock sing and dance backdropped by the setting sun brought me so much joy.  I stood on the porch of the chicken coop and reflected on how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful place, a place undisturbed enough to allow this solitary bird to dance for hours in search of its mate without interruption.  A place where I can take my kid outside and all I have to worry about is how much dirt he's eating.  Andrew sees these things too.  We regularly share these little joys with each other and move on from the dark place in our minds.  We are reminding each other that all of the stress is worth it.  So, so worth it.

We also make sure to have enough family time.  Every evening, all three of us hang out in Charlie's bed and read books together.  We laugh often and share parts of our day.  Charlie snuggles and giggles, gives hugs and kisses, and gets his sillies out before sleep.  It's, without a doubt, my favorite time of day. We also emjoy some pre-bedtime stretches that help us work out the stress that we carry physically.  Charlie calls it his "goya," or yoga.

I'm telling ya, it's the little things.

Poor By Choice

Happy Spring, everyone!  Big things are going on here on the farm.  The pig barn is nearly finished, our second baby is due in less than two months, we expect to add to our chicken flock in a couple of weeks... So much is happening!

On top of all that, for whatever reason, we've been fielding a lot of questions lately about why we choose to live this way.  Why are we the kind of folks who get excited about raising hogs instead of just buying a pork chop at the supermarket when we want one?  Why are we inviting the hassle of raising hens to sell eggs when we could just work a couple more hours a week at a job?  I thought I'd save some time and just write about it.  

Andrew and I were not always this...um..."crunchy."  We started dating when I was eighteen years old and owning a farm was the last thing on my mind.  I'd hate to tell you what was mostly on my mind in those days.  Andrew and I were in the same boat that way.  I was in college and on track to become a teacher.  But, somehow, we grew in the same direction.  We have both changed dramatically in the last ten years and, miraculously, we landed on the same page.  So we bought this amazing off-grid log cabin and slowly began to add to our homestead and farm.  But why?

It boils down to a really simple concept.  We love being connected to our land.  We would much rather work our own land for what we need to survive than work away from home in order to pay for what we need to survive.  We know people who don't quite understand that.  It's incredibly difficult for some people to understand that having a traditional nine-to-five isn't necessary.  But if you don't need as much money because you're producing your own food for a fraction of what you would have paid in the store, cutting back on hours worked outside the home is easy.

We also made a conscious decision to be around our kids more.  We didn't want our kids in daycare and we intend to homeschool.  That is obviously impossible with both of us working.

Hear me out, though.  We have a mortgage.  We live eleven miles from the nearest grocery store and our car isn't exactly fuel efficient.  We pay out of pocket for homebirth midwifery services (worth it!).  We have kids that need clothes, animals that need feed.  We have expenses.  So our current situation is this: Andrew works two part time jobs that he has chosen because they include wonderful perks. He works at a larger farm where he gains experience, knowledge, and, often, leftover materials.  We also have access to their greenhouse so we're able to start our seedlings there.  We hope to have our greenhouse up and operational by the end of summer this year. He also works at a hardware and feed store where he receives discounts on various farming necessities and feed. I stay home with the kiddo and we cut corners where we can.  It isn't always easy keeping our budget balanced, but we're extremely happy.  We are frequently stressed and tired, but it's the kind of tired that we like.  Feeling a sweet ache in your back at the end of the day feels good when you know it's because your chicken coop is mucked out and filled with fresh bedding and that your compost is benefiting from rich fertilizer as a result.

Our goal is to keep this up and cut back on Andrew's hours as we can afford it.  In order for us both to be home working our farm, we need to not only provide enough food and wood fuel for ourselves, we  also need to be bringing money in to cover our mortgage and other monetary expenses.  I have to tell you, not a week goes by that I don't wish there was a mortgage fairy that would just lovingly make our mortgage disappear.  It's a fifteen year mortgage, which is great, but it's still sad to realize that it's the primary reason we aren't able to really invest in farming full time.  But, hey, no one likes a mortgage.

So I hope I shed some light with this post.  Long story short, we live this way because it makes us happy.  We know we don't have to be poor.  We like being poor.  We are poor by choice because it allows us to persue our dream of staying connected to our home, our children, and our passion for growing things.

Weighing in on Breasts: Funbags or for Feeding?

Yeah, I said it.  Breasts.  Breasts have been on my mind lately.  I've had a couple of interactions over the last few days that I think are worth sharing.  We'll start with the conversation I had with my husband yesterday.  He was frustrated with women being asked to cover themselves and their children or to remove themselves from a public place when they are breastfeeding.  I breastfed my son for a year and a half and he decided that he was done nursing.  I would have liked to breastfeed him for at least two years (as is recommended by the World Health Organization), but he was over it.  I breastfed him in public places on a regular basis because I was not always in a private place when he decided he was hungry or in need of comfort.  It's as simply as that.  On more than one occasion, I was asked to go someplace private, like a bathroom, or to cover up.  I was told by members of my own family that I was being inappropriate or offensive when I was feeding my son.  Yes, with my breasts.  I was asked why I didn't pump milk into a bottle ahead of time so I didn't have to "expose" myself publicly.  So yesterday, Andrew said, "I hope I'm saying this in a way that isn't offensive, but... I'm not mad because I'm a feminist.  I'm not mad because my wife is a feminist.  This isn't a feminist thing, or about me being a hippy or granola or whatever the hell.  This is about a hungry baby.  What the hell is there to be upset about when you see a baby eating?"

And you know, he's right.  It is a feminist issue because women are routinely shamed for utilizing their bodies as they were biologically intended to be used, but it shouldn't have to be.  Mammals' breasts produce milk for their offspring.  And it comes out of nipples.  Does that word make you uncomfortable?  It shouldn't.  It is a part of your anatomy if you are human.  And roughly half of the human race can make milk come from their nipples.  Take deep breaths; it's okay to come to terms with nipple milk.

So why is it so hard to come to terms with women breastfeeding?  The obvious answer is that, as a culture, we have sexualized women's breasts to the point of being uncomfortable when we witness breasts used nonsexually.  As a society, we prefer to see breasts selling cars or hamburgers to seeing them nurturing children.  Does that seem strange to you?  Breasts are not designed to sell things, but to feed children.  But we're more comfortable seeing them on the hood of a Ferrari than in the mouth of an infant.  Have you considered that the reason we are so attracted to breasts on a sexual level is that we are subconsciously choosing a mate?  Perhaps the reason we like to look at breasts is because they tell us, on a primal level, that we are looking at a woman who might potentially feed and nurture our children.  (This is not to say that everyone who likes looking at breasts wants children!  I'm just offering one possible evolutionary reason why we are attracted to breasts.)

You may have seen Alyssa Milano's recent appearance on Wendy Williams's show.  (Watch it here.) Their conversation about Alyssa Milano's breastfeeding advocacy is a perfect example of what we feel comfortable and uncomfortable with regarding breasts.  Wendy Williams openly admitted that she would rather see women dressed scantily in public than see a woman breastfeeding her child publicly.  She said that, were she a breastfeeding mother, she would take her child to the car to breastfeed because she felt that was more appropriate.  She said that breasts are sexual for a woman's entire existance, but only used to provide milk for a child for a little while, so they should be treated as sexual objects all the time.  She also referred to them as "funbags."  Alyssa Milano's simple response was, "that's what WE have done to them."  WE have made breasts into tits, boobs, funbags.  WE have created the image of sex.

This brings me to the second breast related interaction I had.  A friend that I went to high school with shared a photo on Facebook.  If you follow any kind of breastfeeing support pages, you see them all the time. It was a side-by-side with Rhianna's transparent dress and a mother breastfeeding.  It asks why is Rihanna's dress okay, but breastfeeding isn't?

Similarly, Alyssa Milano asked Wendy Williams why people are more comfortable with Miley Cyrus wearing thin suspenders over her breasts than with a breastfeeding mother.  These comparisons are a slippery slope!  My friend shared the above photo and pointed out that we cannot simultaneously shame some women for choosing to share their bodies in a sexually attractive way and support other women for choosing to breastfeed publicly.  Both are okay.  It's fine to point out the double standard, because there is an obvious one.  But you telling me, or me telling you, what an appropriate or inappropriate use for breasts is is reinforcing the idea that we have any right to regulate each other's lives.  It also reinforces the dangerous idea that we are somehow responsible for how we will be treated if we choose to show our breasts--sexually or to breastfeed.  (That dangerous idea was never more evident than it is in THIS news story, in which a New Hampshire politican claims that, should women feel so inclined to expose their breasts, they should be prepared to deal with men's natural inclination to grab them.) It boils down to one simple question: Are they your breasts?  No?  Then you don't get to choose how they should be used.

And what are we supposed to do about that?  I am not going to talk about the laws protecting breastfeeding or topless women.  I'm not going to touch the legal side of the issue at all, but I'd like to address the social issues.  What can we do to change the way we see breasts?  The answer is fairly obvious.  We should keep doing whatever the hell we want with our breasts.  I'm having another child in May.  I will be breastfeeding.  Without a cover.  (Hello!  You should try eating under a blanket in the heat of July!) I may share photos of myself as I breastfeed my baby.  I think it's beautiful and I will want to share it with others sometimes.  And, if you like to wear low-cut tops or go tan topless at the beach, keep doing it.  The only way we are going to make what we choose to do with our breasts "okay" is to keep doing it and the world will catch up with us.  Hopefully. In the meantime, if you do not like breasts (if that's possible), avert your eyes.  Yep, it's that easy.  Just don't look at them.

Pigs, New Pets, and Panic Attacks

I disappeared for a while.  Life has been interesting.  This is as good a time as any to disclose that I am about twenty-two weeks pregnant.  It was a bit of a shock when we found out, but we are very excited to welcome another family member in May!  Speaking of new family members, we also adopted a dog.  He came with the name Seth, but we call him Seth-Dog.  He's a beautiful pointer mix and we adore him.  He has his quirks like any other member of this household, but he fits right in.  He was a four year old brought into the P.A.W.S. Animal Adoption Center in Camden.  They suspected that he had an owner that neglected him terribly by leaving him tied in the yard continually.  He was hairless, suffering from a skin rash they suspect was brought on by Seth-Dog repeatedly overheating during the hot summer months.  But he's healthy and happy now!  He has some anxiety issues, but so would any of us if we had been treated that way.

In addition to being a pregnant work-at-home mom to a toddler, winter is officially here.  Our road, which we maintain with the help of our only two neighbors, has been such fun during this spring-like winter.  Two loads of fill were laid down just as the first real storm of winter was rolling in yesterday afternoon.  Thank goodness we got it in just in time.

But the mild, then cold, then mild, then cold again weather hasn't been a complete curse.  It has given us time to build a small barn behind the house.  The hard work has been done.  Andrew build the frame with pine timbers he harvested this fall.  We needed to clear some trees to allow more sunlight to hit our solar panels during the short winter days and he made good use of what had to be cut down.  It's all about using what you have!  We might actually have to buy a few supplies to complete the project, though.  Our entire chicken coop only cost about $5, but we are more pressed for time and lower on materials for this project.  It should be done within a week or two and we are so excited!

The barn is going to be the new home to four piglets come April.  We try to focus on permaculture on our small farm.  We have land that needs to be cleared for garden beds and no one roots up land better than a hog.  We decided to spread the word to see how much interest there is in pasture-raised pork and people seem to really want it!  We decided that, as it's our first year with pigs, we did not want to raise more than four pigs.  After all, we will have a two year old and a newborn this summer.  We don't need to take on more than we can handle. So we are now accepting deposits on whole, half, or quarter pigs.  We'll be accepting deposits through April, but we expect the meat to all be spoken for well before then.  (If you are interested or have any questions, email us at frenchrdfarm@gmail.com).

We are also adding several hens to our flock this spring.  We eat a lot of eggs around here and we have also been selling out of eggs consistently.  There are so many additions coming this year!  If only we can hunker down and survive the winter, we have so much to look forward to.

I hope you're all having a beautiful winter.  To our Maine friends, get out there and make a snowman!  It's the perfect snow for forts and snowball fights.  Be well!